10 ways to drive Austria insane
by tedyvirysa
Summary: Well here it is all done hope you have fun reading it and please take mercy on me because I am new at this and of course this is my first fanfic . Disclaimer: I don’t own Hetalia- Axis Powers.
1. Chapter 1

10 ways to live Austria whit a God smacked expression or a desire to run for his life.

Get Prussia to do the "Pocky Dance" in frond of him.

Get Russia to invade his vital regions.

Make him become Alfred's slave for one day ( I will live the horrors of this method to your twisted and sadistic mind (No offence having a twisted and sadistic mind is actually cool))

Lock him in a closet whit grandpa Rome^^.

Make him Belarus's new stalking target

Just a little glance at what will happen:

-Austria, Austria open the door, dear and lets become one, become one, become one , become one ....................................................................................................

Is what she will shout while trying to take down the door. Poor door and poor Austria.

-No live me alone , please Prussia help me , someone help me.

In the background we can see a scared Gilbert running away from Russia who apparently thought the same way as his sister . Who thought that raping was a family ting , eh.

Get him drunk and then give him to Francis , even in a drunken suppour he is going to run that's for surten.

Make him stay thru one of England drunken confection about Alfred and what an ungrateful nation America is.

Get him to be a clerk in a phone shop then deal every phonesex line you know and make sure he can't close the phones and extra sure to lock the doors after that the only thing you need to do is say a quick prayer that hi doesn't die from a nosebleed and laugh at his embarrassment.

Make him pay the phone bill.

Tell Hungary how he spend his day as a clerk ( of course don't tell her you are to blame because then she will kill you ) and then tell her he is cheating on her whit Belarus . That will cause a war of course , which will lead to Austria going in hiding from his two crazy wives wannabe.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi, because of the reviews I decided to make another chapter! Also if you are a Naruto fan and a Sakura fan and just want a good laugh then you may read my new story: Ships go to Heaven, eagles go to Hell! Also I like to thank to Anina-chan, IceSnowAndGlamour and Tallisa of Swallow's Crest for reviewing. Well on to the story!

10 ways to drive Austria insane.

Chapter: 2

_By: Destroyeverythin1_

1: Tell Russia that Roderick is going to marry his sister Ukraine, if you have luck he won't kill you, if you are luckier he might confront Austria about it and demand that he proves himself worthy of her hand! That along the cripines of the enraged brother will do the trick!

2: Put Yaoi pictures in his room.

3: Switch all his clothes with maid's outfits and then invite France for lunch (Oh, and make extra sure that Austria wears the outfits +_+).

4: Make him pay Italy's pasta bills!

5: Make him sing a serenade for Germany and then run away before the blond relishes his Dobermans!

6: Make him enter a house that has a sight "Dobermans: I'm not dealing 911" whit a very grumpy cat! If he told you he refuses then you just push him in and lock the door. Oh, don't worry he'll survive or not! Mhuhahahaha I'm so evil ^_^.

7: Send him to the dirtiest house you have ever seen, he'll faint.

8: _**Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_.

9: Make him play cats and mouse with his fan girls, guess who will be playing the role of the cat, that's correct the fan girls.

Roderick: You hell span how could you do this to me? Oh, no they are gaining on me!

Fan girls squall's and yell in the background while chasing him. A the good things in live (dreamy smile)

Roderick: Help me, o god, help me!

Fan girls: Here he is get him girls!

Roderick: No!

Me: Mhuhahahaha!

10: Make him help Germany make those clocks from episode 2(I'm not sure if it was from episode 1or 2 but lets say that it was from episode 2). There probably will be a war between France and Austria but hey everything for a good laugh, right (threatens with a pipe, just like Russia), right?

_**Please Review and give me some ideas for the next torture session, I mean chapter.**_

_**Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia!

10 ways to drive Austria insane.

Chapter: 3

_By: Destroyeverythin1 _

1: Send him to a "relaxing" vacation that will end up which will end up whit him being chased around by creepy animals!

2: Dye his hair pink!

3: Pretend to play the piano and when he asks you what are you doing you say that you are acting like a true Austrian compositor!

4: Be nice to him and when he trusts you make a joke about him and Turkey's strange relationship. When he tells you that there is nothing between them, you tell him that you fount a baby at the doorstep and that said baby locked a lot like the two of them. His hair will turn white faster than you can blink!

5: Send him to a safari and tell him that white lions are harmless, then watch as he is being chased around by an angry pack of white lions.

6: Make him attend a party that is thrown by France.

7: Tell him that if he doesn't do something Russia will be marring him, when he goes to confront Ivan about It you and make a fool of himself you will be free to laugh from the shadows! When he stops his rambling and understates what stupidity he had just committed you throw a joke his way and run!

8: Switching his piano music with really vulgar songs and see if he notices it. For extra fun invite France, Prussia and Spain over to see if they sing along. If they do then make pictures and after that make those pictures lock really pervaded (especially those that have Austria in them!) and then post them all over the world!

9: Give most of the pictures to Russia!

10: Start a war with the rest of the world while he is taking his nap, when he wakes up and ask you what going on you say he had started a war with the world while he was sleep walking he is going to tear his hear after this one!

_**Please Review and give me some ideas for the next chapter!**_

_**Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia!

**Hi everyone! Thanks for reviewing you are all great! It seem that most of you want me to make ficlets out of the best ones and I will do just that after I update chapter five, but first I need a suggestion about the first three ficlets!** **Enjoy and don't forget to review!**

10 ways to drive Austria insane!

1: Invite him to a New Years Eve party and when the counts down starts yell "Happy New year, oh no the fan girls are attacking led by Belarus and Hungary, everyone for themselves!" This will not only give a panic attack to Austria but to rest of the countries too. Of course if you can actually get Belarus, Hungary and an army of fan girls to actually make their strike at the non suspecting nations you may get greater results like Russia hiding benev table clutching Lithuania ( Since he couldn't find a teddy bear ) and crying for his mother. Also Austria running around like a beheaded chicken and other such fun stuff!

All nations: This means war!

Me: Bring it on, I'll side with Russia and Belarus and then you'll see!

2: Make him listen all of Paris Hilton's songs, for a day. He'll be in a mental asylum by the end of the third hour!

3: Throw him in a lonely island that have a lot of food and drinking water but they are all very expensive. We all know how much of a chips cake he is, he is probably going to cry all day long for his savings.

4: Tell him that his home is being hunted by all the nations that were ever under his rule. When he say that that's not true you tell him that if it wasn't a ghost then who painted _**"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" **_with real blood on his bead! Then say that you are silly and start making suggestions about people that might have done it (Make sure that every suggestion is more horrifying than the last!). He is probably going to go around in armor for weeks!

5: Make him go to a fashion show organized by Poland! When he's out and endures all the mental torture that comes with the privilege of speaking with Poland, you sneak in his house and paint it pink with white furred red eyed ponies. After that you have to only sit back and enjoy the screams of horror when they start!

6: Make him play the oldest version of Mario that you can get your hands on and ask him in very whiny voice why does he have to be so old fashioned and blockheaded, then storm off and let him figure it out on his own! That way you will have the right to call him a slowpoke!

7: Give his baby pictures to Prussia and let the crazy albino do the rest!

8: Make him watch horror movies with you and every time something gory happens (And I mean extremely gory, enough to make even death cry for his mammy!) you tell him you could have done better and start telling him how much more gory you could had killed someone. When he starts backing away you smile like Russia and ask him if you could try your methods on him and then pull a knife out of no where and start laughing manically. I can guaranty you all that he is going to faint!

9: Drag him to a dungeon and when he wakes up tell him that it was rude not to answer your question and just because of that you invited Belarus over to help you out. He is going to faint again!

10: Do nothing, his paranoia that you inflicted in him is going to drive him insane and that will live you free to watch him make a fool of himself by approaching you or any of your belongings with caution, or feed his dog with his food before he eats it, especially if it was prepared by you.

_**Well the chapter is done. Remember to review and give me some ideas for chapter five, also tell me witch are your favorites ways to torture Austria and I will make ficlets out of them for chapter six! Review! **_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia! _**When this chapter is done I'll start with the ficlets, so review and tell me your favorites!**_

10 ways to drive Austria insane!

1: Singe the song "Gives you Hell" by the All- American Rejects under his window and when he asks you why the hell are you singing under his window you tell him that this was a massage from Prussia!

2: Give him a pig and then try to marry them!

3: Ask him if he had ever seen God. When he says no then you tell him that if he goes to Russia the same way that Prussia did he will see God soon, and when you start unrolling a rope that you got out of no where and crack a Soviet Russia joke, like for example" In America they send you to meet your maker, in Soviet Russia your maker is send to meet you!" make sure you are extra creepy!

4: Give him roses. Then say that they were for his grave, so he should hurry up and day already because Prussia is missing him and in his desperation is trying to occupy every angel's vital regions and that is pissing God off!

5: Tell him his dog died. When he asks how you tell him your tiger ate it!

6: Tell him that Poland is trying to paint his house pink again, when he doesn't believe you just walk away, you where telling the truth..........this time around anyway!

7: Make an albino crocodile farm, in his room while he sleeps!

8: Put honey on his furniture and invite some bears over. Then watch how he hides behind Germany and cries like a baby!

9: Make him write in a journal! Then send copies to every country and watch the chaos uphold before you.

10: Bribe a little girl into asking him about the "Birds and the Beas", make sure he has no escape route point a knife at him if you have to but make him scar himself for live by giving that explanation!

_**So chapter six is done I start the ficlets next, don't forget to review!**_

_**Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_._** Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**_.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi, this time I'll do ficlets! The winner is the Fan girl attack request made by LietHunLiechAus in the second chapter! Don't worry, they will be pretty chaotic so don't be surprised if I write a ficlet from chapter 4 and the next time from chapter 1! Also continue making ficlets requests and I might as well grant them! Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia!

The attack of the Fan girls!

It was a beautiful day in Austria. The birds were chirping, Prussia was no where to be seen and Roderich could finally have some free time to compose a sonata, something he hasn't done since quite some time! And of coerce when something is going smoothly then there was definitely a problem in the making. The problem for this German came in the form of giggling hordes of girls, who were currently hiding in the bushes all around Austria's house, leaving no escape routes.

Those strange specimens were called she-demons by manga/anime characters and the like, those high pitched stalking girls preferred to be referred to as "Fan girls" and tent to get violent when referred to as stalkers. Their natural habitat is quite interesting. Those alien creature usually live in hiding from their pray but even then they always stay near said prey preferably in bushes and tree branches! They are pack hunters, meaning they all attack at once and leave no chance for escape to their unfortunate victims! There are different "Fan girls", like the drama group who usually sulk around and commend on how their life is failing apart, they are the weakest branch in the "Fan girls" anarchy of terror. The strongest three branches are the Yaoi "Fan girls", Yuri "Fan girls" and Ordinary "Fan girls"! Their feeding habits are all the same. Their main food supply is Manga/anime character's terror and sexiness! If you are to spot a "Fan girl" in the wild, do not approach! If you are Manga/anime character and spot a "Fan girl" in the wild, don't move, their vision is based on movement, so don't even move a muscle!

And it seems that we got lucky today my dear readers! We now have the opportunity to watch them hunt in their natural habitat, SQUIELS!

Austria: Who are you?

Me: A reporter for a wildlife magazine!

Austria: But there is no wildlife in my Hall!

Me: True, but outside there is!

Austria: There is nothing outside, wait are those grinning things outside what I thing they are?

Me: Yes they are, whatever you do, don't move, their vision is based on movement, good luck fending them off, bay!

Austria: Ok don't move and they won't see you Austria, listen to the reporter she obviously knows what she is doing!

Five minutes later Roderich was screaming bloody murder with his pants gone while perfectly imitating a headless chicken. Until he stopped and tried to fait them off, this resulted in him losing his shirt. But hey what did he expected, anyway? And if he had listen to me and stayed putt this wouldn't had happened. Oh, look they got him unmoving. Mind as well leave before they notice me.

**Well how do you like this chapter? Review and let me know!**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia!

Hi, sorry for the late update but I'm kind of sick at the moment and couldn't write earlier. This ficlet will be from chapter 4: 8, requested by IceSnowAndGlamour. Enjoy!

Horror movie turns into reality.

Austria's Pov:

It is a calm and pleasant day and that's why my dear torture readers, can't exactly call viewers since you're not hear. Or are you? Back you demons, back! I have holly water and a cross and I'm not afraid to use them! Ahem, where was I? A yes! I was telling you of my phobia of "calm and pleasant" dais. Why I would have a silly phobia like this, you ask? Well, you get chased around by a horde of fan girls and you will have one too! So on this bride and marvelous day I'm in my house, surrounded by furniture whit a gun in hand and ready to die in battle than to get captured by those things again!

-Hey Austria-kun what are you doing in this fort?

Oh, great the crazy reporter is here! What for? To watch how anime/manga character acts while cornered? That cruel, selfish, good for nothing...........

- Austria-kun is not polite not answer to a question! Anyway I've came to tell you that I shunned the fan girls of your lands by threatening them with holly water!

.............polite, sweat, kind hearted, companionate angel!

- Austria-kun, are you Ok? And do you mind me watching a horror movie at your place?

- Of course not! Suit yourself, it's the lest I can do after you saved me!

You know readers; I don't hate that reporter anymore! And just for that I'll watch the movie with her.

5 minutes later:

Oh, God someone help the rats are eating me!

More random screaming in the background!

While this pleasant movie is running I, as you can imagine am terrified! What is the movie about, you may wander. Well nothing much just Bulgaria, Canada and Cuba ruing over the world and let me tell you something it is not peaceful! Damn, that Bulgaria is more insane than Russia and that's saying something! I mean he even has his own version of Kol Kol Kol! But then again Bulgaria thought Russia quite a lot so his sadistic ways shouldn't be this surprising! What scares me the most is that my companion is starting at me finally she says:

-Ne, Austria-kun Cuba isn't being original enough, don't you agree.

Ok, its official I'm scared from her now!

-Because, you know we in Bulgaria usually use better more effective methods, do you want to hear some of them?

-Um, no?

And then guess what she did, yes that is right she pulled a knife out of no where and pointed it at me saying.

-Well why don't I show you?

And then I fainted, so here I am, in chains and preying for someone to safe me. But as you can imagine no one is insane enough to come.

To be continued!

**Next time I'll write chapter 4: 9! Also continue on making suggestion and if I don't get at less three reviews for this chapter I stop writing this story!**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia!

10 ways to drive Austria insane

After few hours of blissful unconsciousness Austria had to awake; not because he wanted to, Oh, no, but because there was someone cackling madly and munching on popcorns at the same time and to make matters worse, said person just so happens to be standing next to him! This was an outrage! If America was playing some prank on him then there will be a hell to pay! So imagine his surprise when he found out that no, Alfred wasn't the one who was as acting like a drunken masochistic middle- aged history professor; it was in fact none other than the insane "reporter" from before. At this point in time he was sure that this creature was definitely coming from hell to make him pay for all his mistakes, either that or she was the devil. In any case he was sure that some holly water and a cross will probably create a barrier between them, but then again he didn't have the materials needed at hand, so he was now hopelessly and utterly doomed. After he got at least some of his courage back he asked the bane of his existence few questions.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHERE HAVE YOU TAKEN ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS, YOU HORRIBLE PERSON?"

At which his capturer responded with a pout and a "You meany! You fainted before you can tell me your opinion! So now I brought a friend of mine to help me torture you. Isn't that great?"

Great, there were more of those hell spans around? Oh, God NO! Why do you have to be so cruel? Wasn't one Devil enough? Why did you have to create three? This and more thoughts like this one were going throe the German nation's mind. Until the "reporter" realized that she was being ignored and we all know an ignored psychopath was not a calm one, or as calm as they can get anyway. So as any attention craving insane person, she voiced her displeasure.

"Ignoring me won't do you any good, piano boy. Actually just for ignoring me I will invite my friend now. Natalia-chan, you can come in."

And throe the door waltz in Russia's worst horror: Belarus. The most homicidal nation of all was extremely grumpy today due to her beloved brother success in running away from her yet again. And to whom you may ask, why to Bulgaria of course. The guy didn't tolerate any incest what so ever and denied her accesses to his house with the treat of war if she goes anywhere near it. He was also very creepy and rude at times so she didn't want to do anything with him. And you can imagine her happiness when her dear torture-buddy had invited her to torture Austria. Of course when she entered she wasn't expecting to see a very frighten looking Austrian hunk chained to the wall and her oh, so dear friend standing near him and preparing a heated needle. The gears in Natalia's head started to work at a very fast speed. If she dated the handsome Austria then she will, no douth, make her dear Ivan jealous and when this happens he was going to ask her to marry him so they can be together forever, but she won't go far with this plan if Roderich get torchered to an inch of his life. No. That won't do at all, so she had to stop her friend from her activities, but how. The other women liked causing others to feel panic; God only knows how many were driven to insanity by of her. Oh, well. She mind as well just share the plan and who knows, she may even get some help in executing it. So after she shared "The plan" and her most trusted friend stopped snickering like the evil demon she was, she got her support in the form of said hellish girl giving her the keys to the chains with the words" He's all yours. Just tell me everything about your relationship." And as she said that she left, living a panicked Austria and a lustful Natalia behind. When Roderich thought that there was no hope left for him, the fates decided to prove him wrong yet again by a very strange occurrence. This occurrence was Prussia, barching in, saving Australia from getting further molested and then running in a random direction, perfectly imitating a headless chicken. But no matter how fast Gilbert ran Belarus was still hot on their trail that is until they reached Bulgaria's house. The blonde female didn't dare to venture any further and eventually headed back home but before she left she yelled at them:

PRUSSIA YOU FAILLED MY PLANS FOR THE LAST TIME, BUT WHEN OLDER BROTHER BULGARIA KICKS YOU OUT YOU WILL FACE MY WRATH! AND YOU Roderich, YOU WILL MARRY ME WHATEVER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

After she was gone Austria panicked again and said:

"What am I going to do now? She refuses to quit."

"Maybe we can convince Bulgaria that we are his long lost brothers, he won't kick us out then."

To this comment he was given a "are you kidding me" look and a shout of "We look nothing like him, you airhead" a whine came from the red eyed nation and then a very quiet"Cousins then?"

"Whose cousins?" Asked a slightly grumpy Bulgaria, this better not be more nations wanting protection from Belarus.

Roderich gulped, well time to ask the question.

"Well you see Aleksander, can you call you by your name, anyway, you see Natalia has made me her new stalking target and I was thinking if you can hide us from her for a while."

A heavy sight escaped Bulgaria.

"Fine you can come in, just don't break anything."

To be continued.

Please review and tell me what you think of the story.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

10 ways to drive Austria insane

Chapter: 9

Bulgaria sight, what do this numerous nations thought, that his house is some sort of a refugee camp? Well this was certainly getting too far. First it was Russia that came looking for help, he didn't had anything against his brother staying for a while, then it was Poland screaming like a girl and clenching to him like there was no tomorrow. After that the other three Baltics, or Ivan's servants as he came to know them, came as well, the poor kids were crying and hiding behind him even thou they knew that he didn't even know what the Hell is wrong with them. Then much to his surprise, Turkey had run into his house and barricaded himself behind the dining table. So imagine Aleksander's surprise when they told him that they were all running from Belarus who apparently wanted to marry them. He had laughed then and attempted to throw them out only to have guns aimed at his head and an extremely horrified Poland shake him around while screaming, like a complete lunatic, I might add. So after this failed attempt he just gave up and continued his life as if they weren't there, which was quite the admirable fit seeing as Poland was still clanging to him and fallowed him everywhere, but when it came to his bed and the bathroom Bulgaria was proud to say that he had drown the line, quite violently too. Even if it was kind of weird to leave with all of them the situation did had a good side, he got his food cooked and his house cleaned by The Baltics, no burglars were crazy enough to raid his house now that Ivan was here and Sadiq was repairing everything that got broken. That left Aleksander with nothing to do but seat back and watch how General Winter was painting a breathtaking picture with ice and snow as his paint and brush. He thought that this "peace" won't last forever because Natalia will eventually give up and his "guests" will go back home, but for now he might as well appreciate this reunion.

It was now a month from the day that all those nations toke refuge in his home and they were all having some pancakes for breakfast when the doorbell rang and they tensed in their seats. Bulgaria sight and went to open the door on his way there he past a window and saw that the snow was melting, so much for winter beauty in his lands. By the time he reached the door he could hear Belarus's yells, which meant that another nation has decided to come for a "sleepover". When he neared the door he saw Prussia and Austria outside looking like they had just escaped from Hell. He stood behind the door for a while and listened to their conversation, they thought that they could fool him into believing that they were his relatives, huh. Well thought luck with that, but if he let them hide in his house then he could rope them into working for him, after all he did had this one phone shop he needed a clerk for and he will gladly make Prussia plow his precious gardens for when he is going to plant his beloved roses. So with a heavy sight and his best grumpy expression Aleksander opened the door and after his newest "guests" made complete fools of themselves he invited the two German speaking nations inside for some breakfast. The second Gilbert saw Russia was the second all Hell broke loose. The Prussian attacked Ivan and Russia responded by punching Gilbert in the gut, by the time the fight was over Bulgaria had a sore trough from yelling so laud at them and Poland was hiding behind Turkey. _That was it_, Aleksander thought, _I'll make them all do some sort of job now that they made me angry_. So after he gave them all a scolding, except the Baltics because they weren't to blame for anything, he told them all what will they do while they were still under his ruff. And that is how Russia ended up as a guard, Poland as a fashion disainer, Prussia as a gardener, Turkey as a baklava maker and Austria as a clerk. The Baltics were innocent and they were already cleaning his house so he saw no point in giving them another job. With heavy harts and lots of whining they went to prepare for their first day at work.

Russia's first day at work.

For Ivan this job was boring, seriously guarding a lab in the middle of nowhere was not his idea of fun. Where were the screams, the blood and the death? Why wasn't anything interesting happening? This was a lab for crying out loud and the things that were once human and broth into cages to this God forsaken place looked dangerous, so why haven't they killed anyone yet? Ivan glared at a turtle-lion-human-and only God and the mad scientists that work in the lab know what else, thing. The creature's only reply was to flash him its sharp teeth and row around so it can continue eating whatever it had been eating. Said food had an arm and a ring on its finger, yet another family will be left grieving for their loss. In times like this he really was reminded of how good of an actor Aleksander really was.

Turkey's first day at work.

Sadiq was quite happy and contended that he got to make and sell his sweat baklavas in Bulgaria. His baklavas were being bough like warm bread. He thanked his customer and wished them a good day when they went away. Yes he liked his job, he thought while eating a piece of baklava himself, he liked his job a lot.

Prussia's first day at work.

While the others liked their jobs, Gilbert did not. He had the "pleasure" of having a distress Aleksander telling him to be careful with the soil or he will regret it. Finally the former nation has had enough.

"Stop beaching already Bulgaria or I'll invade your vital regions" and he was responded with:

"If you even dare do that I'll kick you out and then Belarus will find you. Now concentrate on plowing. If my roses don't grow in this soil I'll castrate you!"

The rest of Prussia's day was spend in plowing and yelling at Bulgaria and being yelled at by Bulgaria. Not a very nice day, nope not at all.

Poland's first day at work.

In Poland's blond mind his new job was heaven, he got to spend his time around Bulgarian models and draw clothes all day long. It was not a hard work and it was definitely a dream come true for many. Even if he was happy he was still bored out of his mind, after all you would be too if your idea for the men's fashion was shot down, because apparently it was too girly. So he decided to play a prank on their newest roommate: Austria. He worked at phone shop so a prank call was a great idea, but not original enough. Feliks furled his brows. What to do, what to do, and then it hit him; he can call every sex call agency he knew of and then make them call Roderich. After few calls he got what he wanted and now Austria was probably having a heart attack. The only thing Poland had to do was sit back and imagines just how terrified Austria will be.

Austria's first day at work.

To say that Roderich was annoyed at how Bulgarian teenagers would barge in and buy the most expensive GSM's was an understatement. Weren't those kids though how to save money or were they doing this just to spite their peers? When the kids went away all the phones went ringing. Austria straitened his uniform and picked up one of them, which was a mistake, but he didn't know that.

"GSM heaven, how can I help you?"

"Oh, honey, I'm supposed to help you!" said the women on the other end of the line.

"Excuse me miss, but who are you."

"I'm the one you called for some phone fun- a licking sound was heard from the other end- come on don't be a prude and unzip those pants of yours already!"

"Wha... WHAT?"

In his panic Austria unknowingly to himself pressed the speaker bottoms for all the phones and many lusty voices flooded from them after two minuets he fainted. Three hours later he was rudely awaken by a snickering Prussia and an enraged Aleksander who was waving a shit of paper, a rather big one I may ad, in front of him. Upon realizing that this was the phone bill for the sex calls the now poor Austrian promptly fainted again.

Culture notes:

1. We, Bulgarian really love winter, especially the snowy and cold ones.

2. The rose is our national flower; there is at least one rose bush in every Bulgarian house.

3. Turks really love baklava and locum; they practically made a family baseness out of making those two foods.

4. We don't like it when people damage our rose buses, nope, not at all. So if you visit Bulgaria don't damage the roses, there will be at least one person that will get angry and confront you about it.

5. Bulgarian teenagers usually spend like there is no tomorrow. But then again it is part of our culture to show off.

**Well I finished this chapter. Don't forget to review.** **Oh, and if you people have some free time could write a Bulgaria pairing fanfiction? I could help you with Bulgarian history and culture facts if you like. **


	10. Chapter 10

10 ways to drive Austria insane

Upon awakening Austria could practically see the upcoming disaster. Roderich didn't know what the problem was but he just knew that if it wasn't already there then it would definitely come and make him curse the day he was born. With extreme caution the Austrian went down for breakfast and much to his surprise it wasn't the Baltics who were coking the breakfast, it was Aleksander. He was putting something orange over some sort of pasta layer. Oh, so the bad feeling was trying to tell him that Bulgaria was about to poison them…….joy. It was with horror that he watched Aleksander put something white over it and then put the entire thing in the oven. The Bulgarian had apparently spotted Austria for he send a cheerful smile his way and greeted him:

"Good morning Roderich, I decided to make some pumpkin banitsa this morning I hope you have nothing against it."

"No, of course not."

A few minutes later Ivan came down the stairs, but upon seeing his brother he made a horrified expression and sat as far from him as he could. The answer, or should I say answers, to that phenomena came down for breakfast, barely dressed. Those answers were none other than Macedonia and America; the Macedonian male was blushing, while the American was grinning like there is no tomorrow. Roderich looked at the two other nations suspiciously and then decided to start a conversation.

"So you two are running from Belarus, too, huh?"

The Macedonian blushed like a tomato and just sat down, actually flinching when Aleksander sat next to him. Alfred just chuckled at them and sat on Macedonia's other side.

"No, we were up all night making some, um, "war treaties"."

War treaties, those three had a war and no one knew about it…strange.

"Then why does Russia look so distress?"

Aleksander smiled as wide as humanly possible.

"He saw us shagging."

At this Russia practically ran out of the room. The Bulgarian looked at his companions and scooped Macedonia in his arms.

"You know guys I'm getting horny again, let's make some more "war treaties"."

With that he went in his room caring Macedonia and Alfred soon followed with a huge grin.

Austria just looked at the staircase for a while and just shook his head, some nations never change.

There was some sort of strange melody coming from outside, it sounded like two cats trying to kill a dog with their singing, but the dog and its fleas were doing the same thing so the result was horrifying. He went outside to investigate only to see that the horrible sounds were coming from Prussia who was, apparently, trying to sing his window dead. Upon going outside thought his ears were put under even more inhuman attack and he was ready to kill Gilbert, only to make the horrible sound go away. They were pure horror, definitely something only a killer deserves to listen to. What had the window done to deserve such a cruel faith?

The horrible sounds continued and Australia felt like dying. After the first music crime was over, Prussia started another one and another one. After few minutes Roderich started running around like a maniac. Not to mention that he was screaming as well. Needles to say the three other nations weren't amused and started yelling at the imbeciles who were interrupting their "negotiation". That led to them coming out, barely dressed, and starting to try to catch the delusional Austrian, who now thought that he was a butterfly. After they were able to catch Roderich they decided to send him in an insane asylum. But, for some reason Francis came, took Bulgaria, who had grabbed Macedonia, and dashed off to France. Only for Bulgaria to punch him and tell him that the time when Francis was the Karl the Great to his Khan Krum was long gone. So the other nations returned to their activities. The next day they heard that Austria had managed to escape the asylum and they found Roderich alright, he was shagging with France and Prussia. Upon seeing the Bulgarian Francis emidiatly proposed him to join and Aleksander would have if it wasn't for his two jealous lovers who dragged him to the nearest bedroom. They had a lot of work to do before Aleksander turns from a playboy to someone that will only be with them. Unfortunately for Russia they had picked his room and he had the misfortune of walking in to see his handcuffed brother being in the middle of quite the furious notion sandwich. After that Russia got drunk, very drunk.

History notes.

During the rule of Khan Krum over Bulgaria and the rule of Karl the Great over French empire , Aleksander and Francis were neighbors and allays. They destroyed the Avar Khagan together and shared its territories.

**Okay I finished the chapter, don't forget to review!**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

10 ways to drive Austria insane

When Austria woke up, he screamed, his worst horror had come true. France and Prussia had invaded his vital regions! This was messed up, this whole house was messed up, and the only thing that was missing was a crying Ivan. Why this had to happen to him, he wasn't that bad of a nation...okay he was, but he was better than Russia and Bulgaria at any rate. He went down without many accidents only to see Russia looking lost and more mental unstable than normal. The Austrian thought better than to ask him what had happened. This was Bulgaria's house after all, everything was possible. He went to the kitchen only to see a tied to a chair Bulgaria being fed with pancakes by America, yes they were attempting to brainwash him. But it wouldn't be Bulgaria, if he didn't fought tooth and nail to kip his pervertedness. He was currently yelling.

"YOU TWO WILL NEVER CHANGE ME! YOUR ATTEMPTS WILL FAIL JUST LIKE MINE WHEN I TRIED TO TEACH IVAN HOW TO READ AND WRITE, PROPERLY."

Flashback

Little Russia skipped happily towards his Big brother's house. Since Aleksander forgave him for the entire Sviatoslav deal they had become really nice brothers. Big brother even sends priests to his lands so Ivan's people could be Christians just like his brother's own! Now Aleksander-nii was even going to give him an alphabet and some lessons to get him started! He had the best brother ever. The small cute child stopped in front of the gates of his brother's huge castle. When he entered he was let in by Mr. Pecheneg. He really didn't like the man but he was Bulgaria's best friend at that time so he had to just smile and let things run its own course.

"Aleksander is waiting, and he is really enthusiastic about educating you so don't pull any funny biasness, I will be watching."

Ivan gulped, why did старший брат have to have such scary friends? The little chibi entered a room, only to see that it had a huge table in the middle, with lots of books on it, and his smiling brother seating on its opposite side.

"Hey, мъник, so you came. Good for you, now come seat on this chair and let the learning begin. Now here is the alphabet"

The little chibi looked at it with wonder and started slinging his feeds back and fort. Those were really pretty letters! He was finally going to prove to everyone that he wasn't a barbarian, for sure! He looked up when his brother started talking again.

"Wow, aren't you the enthusiastic one, well I think you deserve a break, here is a коте, with which you could play for awhile."

The cute blonde just looked at him and then decided to correct him.

"But big brother, this isn't called коте, its кошечка!"

Aleksander just stared at his little brother and said:

"You want your own language, don't you?"

The chibi just noted. And much to his surprises, his brother just grinned.

"Well, мъник, that's just fine, because if you hadn't I would have had to kill you."

Ivan gulped at that and stepped away only to be lifted and hugged by his bro.

"Oh, did I scare you Ivan-chan? Don't worry we are brothers so lets go and have some yogurt!"

That was accompanied by his brother marching in a very funny fashion, still caring him. That led to many Bulgars hanging their mouths open at their nation's behavior and many giggles from chibi Ivan.

Flashback over

Remembering those old times really made his day brighter, even thou he was still tied to a chair. Why couldn't have Ivan just stayed as that adorable chibi forever? Or at the very least Aleksander had the right to watch him, and his sisters, grow, but thanks to Turkey he didn't had that chance. He missed the times he got to tell Vanya bed time stories and go hiking with him. He was so adorable back then, chasing after butterflies and random fluffy animals. He wanted his precious chibi brother back, and science was the only way to accomplish that now! There was no other choice. So with a maniacal expression on his face and a mad scientist coat, he headed to his secret laboratory. Leaving a confused Macedonia and slightly panicked America behind. After few days of explosions America and the rest of the refugees except Russia fled and fell right into Belarus's trap. That left Ivan, Macedonia and the crazed Bulgarian as the only people in the house. One afraid to go out of fear of what lurks on the other side of the door, and the other just waiting for his lover to come to his senses and come out of his creepy laboratory, already. Seriously, he was worrying sick and Aleksander was probably having the time of his life dissecting frogs! On a bright or not so bright day, depence on whatever you like storm clouds outside your window and the sense of upcoming doom in the air, Bulgaria emerged victories from his laboratory holding a cup of...yogurt? Macedonia was about ready to explode, he had to go to a laboratory just to make a cup of yogurt, what had the world come to? The cheerful Bulgarian approached his shivering, hiding behind the sofa brother and gave him the cup of yogurt.

"Come on Vanya, eat this yogurt, it will make you fell better."

Ivan trusting his brother enough to take food from him ate the yogurt without hesitation. That led to a chain reaction and he became a chibi and that, everyone, was the start of the forming headache of an annoyed Macedonian.

Notes:

старший брат- big brother in Russian.

мъник- Little one in Bulgarian.

Коте- Kitty in Bulgarian.

Кошечка- Kitty in Russian.

**Okay people I have a really important announcement to make. I decided to make a sequel to this chapter, so don't be surprised about the complete status. Well I will probably post the first chapter of the sequel in two days or so. I will give you a hint; there will be a chibi Russia in it.**


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